tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57753362012-01-03T03:29:46.918-05:00I am my own therapistJanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.comBlogger7001100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-46039971822124960592011-08-12T21:19:00.004-04:002011-08-15T11:17:43.563-04:00

Four years ago, I held a tiny baby boy in my arms. I only had a few moments to study his face and imagine how his eyes might have sparkled when he smiled and what his voice would have sounded like when he called me Mom. And then I had to say good-bye. Fifteen and a half years ago, I held my baby girl in my arms. She has the most beautiful eyes and a gorgeous smile. She still calls me Momma. I

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-35916246925826415562011-01-08T15:26:00.002-05:002011-01-08T15:37:09.375-05:00

It's not here at home. It's not at work. I have the weekend off and am dying to do something fun. It'd be nice to just hang out with people. I'd like to go places, see new things, laugh, live. I miss that. Blah

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-89831828258436666892011-01-01T11:05:00.003-05:002011-01-01T13:11:40.600-05:00

I wasn't going to do a whole end of the year...new beginnings kind of blog post. But hey, it's quiet here. There are a few thoughts rolling around in my head. Why not type them out? So here you go:Lets start with the truth. There's no way I'll get those movies back to Blockbuster before noon. I WILL be paying late fees in 2011.Now, 2010 was not a great year for me. It was the loneliest year I've

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-84720310507574722412010-12-16T20:17:00.003-05:002010-12-16T20:35:39.627-05:00

Somebody at work today wished me a Merry Christmas, and then said, "Oh, I'm sorry, You don't celebrate Christmas do you?" Uh...yes I do. Why would you think that I don't?I guess because of my last name, (my husband's name is Muslim) somebody had told this person not to wish me a merry Christmas because I don't celebrate it. They thought I was Jewish!Huh. So, of course I'm over-analyzing this.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-51516056726319184992010-11-28T22:43:00.003-05:002010-11-28T23:29:09.253-05:00

I went to a movie tonight. It was a comedy. I laughed. I ate popcorn. I drove home. What a waste of time and money! It's not that the movie was bad, or that I spent a fortune (I had a coupon). It's just that it was so meaningless. I have this heaviness around me lately. It's not depression or sadness. It's a seriousness. It's deep. Like I'm preparing for something. I feel like I'm on

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-49811389902437730162010-10-03T20:20:00.005-04:002010-10-03T21:54:37.330-04:00

Uh...Hello.So, It's been a year. I've been dealing with a pretty big issue for a year now, or maybe not dealing with it. I am tired. I don't really remember the last time I laughed a real genuine laugh. It seems that I've spent a good portion of my life pretending that everything is okay, trying to protect myself and the people around me. This juggling act is so exhausting. I wish that I

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-49831047762477063432009-12-15T11:36:00.002-05:002009-12-15T11:50:09.051-05:00

I don't have the words, but this picture expresses how I'm feeling today.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-61971467449224590632009-10-28T22:03:00.002-04:002009-10-28T22:16:46.266-04:00

There I was, sitting peacefully on a rock...enjoying the calm beauty of it all...Just days before my world was turned upside down.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-19726637150344981292009-09-26T19:42:00.003-04:002009-09-26T20:06:10.625-04:00

My children's father just told me that I was the greatest ex-wife a guy could ever ask for. I had to laugh out loud. The timing of his smart-ass compliment was so very perfect. I'm thinking that maybe I should put it on my resume.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-51164160907247546522009-05-29T08:53:00.004-04:002009-05-29T09:50:14.958-04:00

Awww. Look at the poor, neglected little blog. Guess I should feed you.It's not that there hasn't been stuff to say, I think that it's just been said in other forums. So, What's been going on the last couple of months? I've been working more. Hubby finished his second semester of school and has spent a lot of time looking for a summer co-op position in his field. Unfortunately, with the economy

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-38430998223296297062009-04-01T09:59:00.005-04:002009-04-01T10:51:56.422-04:00

Yesterday at the grocery store, I witnessed a moment between a mother and son. The mom, in her sweatpants, her hair tied up on her head. She'd obviously just spent the day running around, being a mom. The boy, about 4 or 5 years old. Wiggling around, touching everything he could, talking non-stop about the wonders of the grocery store. And then, it happened.The boy looked up at his mom and said

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-87743281177010106592009-03-15T13:21:00.003-04:002009-03-15T13:56:42.362-04:00

Well, the optimism of the first part of this year has faded into restlessness. I'm frustrated and itching for something - but I don't know what. Maybe it's that I've been sick for the last 3 weeks or more. I'm feeling claustrophobic, confined. I just want to break out, break free. Maybe winter has just gone on long enough. I need a good cry. Actually, I think I need a good fight! But Hubby won't

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-3865851477044895602009-02-22T10:21:00.003-05:002009-02-22T10:34:43.413-05:00

One week ago, I was here:This weekend I'm at home. My BIL and his girlfriend are both here for the weekend. As much as they are wonderful people and I love them both...I can only take them in small doses. The gf leaves the bathroom door open when she uses the toilet and/or bathtub. They are constantly yelling at each other. And someone shit on my bathroom floor in front of the sink last night. I

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-14523392418512895412009-02-13T16:18:00.002-05:002009-02-13T16:24:40.514-05:00

Friday. 4 p.m. My son places a call to find out when his dad will pick him and his sister up for the weekend. Grandma informs him that dad is in Florida. Hmm.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-2905117323587067292009-02-11T12:24:00.002-05:002009-02-11T12:34:54.148-05:00

I am so thankful that the guy who backed into my car in a parking lot yesterday was good enough to leave a note with his real name and phone number on the windshield. It's good to know that there are still honourable people out there who take responsibility for their actions.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-43458193292977804712009-02-02T14:35:00.004-05:002009-02-02T14:46:13.994-05:00

This is what February has looked like to me.Another victory for Hubby's teamTwo people at home this morning who verbally spar on a regular basis in a fun and humorous way were back at it again. This time, it turned to tears. That will have to be dealt with when everybody gets home from school tonight.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-52952552990530471832009-01-29T13:13:00.003-05:002009-01-29T13:47:19.675-05:00

We are already one month into 2009. Yes, It's true. But, late as I always am, I wanted to say a proper goodbye to 2008. Thank You 2008. Thank you for being a quiet year. There were no births, no deaths, no weddings, no funerals. Only one emergency (and fairly mild) trip to the hospital. No trips out of the country. I did not step foot inside a court room in 2008. There were many ups and

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-21708909136547146562009-01-04T21:01:00.001-05:002009-01-04T21:04:10.656-05:00

It's a good thing I didn't make a new years resolution to blog everyday. I would have failed on the third day.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-30770292927557914192009-01-02T21:46:00.002-05:002009-01-02T21:47:27.322-05:00

Believe it or not, this little guy is now driving legally!

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-31219137009175134212009-01-01T10:36:00.006-05:002009-01-01T23:07:01.113-05:00

New Years Eve was weird this year for me. I worked the morning of the 30th and when I arrived home, Hubby announced that he'd booked us a room at the casino hotel for the night. I changed my clothes, packed a bag and we were off. We had a nice dinner and then hit the slots. We had lost about half of what we came with when Hubby hit a jackpot. Woo Hoo! The night had started out right. But it was

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-64580098669560012152008-12-29T08:38:00.002-05:002008-12-29T08:49:55.491-05:00

This morning is the first time in four days that I'll have to put on shoes. And the most awful khaki pants. Back to work today. I've been on a steady diet of chocolate since Christmas. It'll be good to get my butt out of this chair and work off some of those calories. However, given the choice, I'd probably stay put. My bed is sooo comfortable!

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-81081026489741089482008-12-19T09:42:00.002-05:002008-12-19T10:30:17.374-05:00

It's Christmas time already and I've only just begun my shopping. Every year we go overboard with gifts. We buy big expensive things and try to make sure everybody has what they want and more. I don't want to do that this year. I really don't. First of all, our combined income is the lowest it's been in 7 years. Secondly, there's nothing that any of us really NEED. I turned on the TV yesterday

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-57621536072788318592008-11-17T18:11:00.002-05:002008-11-17T18:20:14.791-05:00

Why, oh why did I miss a day of work and wait for over two hours in a room full of sick people to be told I need to lose weight? I could have looked in the mirror or got on a scale for that. What about all the symptoms I told the good ol' doc about three weeks ago? He's going to redo the same tests and have me come in again in January. This is why I waited so long to bother making an

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-91611747031596574972008-11-14T08:38:00.003-05:002008-11-14T08:52:42.687-05:00

Since this blog seems to be mostly gloomy (because that's when I feel the need to write), I feel obligated to tell you about a recent happy time:)On Wednesday evening, Hubby picked up E. on his way home. She spent the evening with us and we all had fun. There was no attitude. Our time together was comfortable and relaxed. We laughed and laughed and just enjoyed each other's company. Things

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-74767419464591481802008-11-04T12:39:00.002-05:002008-11-04T13:29:31.950-05:00

I have never been the life of the party. I'm quiet and shy and just enjoy sitting back and being entertained by the fun people. I've never been a strong leader. I go to work, do my job, do it well and then go home and forget about it. I am happy to let others take responsibility and the glory for a job well done. I probably not that easy to get to know - which could possibly explain my lack of

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-1258567298278483752008-10-18T18:48:00.003-04:002008-10-18T18:55:41.084-04:00

My daughter's friend just told me that she's getting bapmitisanitzed soon. I asked her if she knew what it meant to be baptized. She said she gets water sprinkled on her or maybe she gets dunked in water. I asked her if she was catholic. She didn't know. She says that being baptized means she'll get into Heaven. I carefully suggested that she might want to learn what it means to be baptized

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-33052816363247438022008-10-18T14:34:00.005-04:002008-10-18T15:03:48.688-04:00

So, Saturday afternoon. All three kids are out with their friends. Hubby is at the library. Brother-in-law is sitting on the sofa staring at the wall. The cat puked in various places on the carpet upstairs and so far all I've been able to do about it is put a paper towel over the spots and walk around them. I might be in a bit of a mood.When dealing with the she-child, my first instinct is

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-53445149832709668892008-10-02T19:16:00.000-04:002008-10-02T19:18:09.954-04:00

Vote for my photo!vote

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-26367096171941135212008-10-02T13:03:00.002-04:002008-10-02T14:21:27.481-04:00

Hubby is going to school. He stays with my parents most of the time because it's much closer to his school. He comes home Wednesday nights and weekends. His daughter is with us every Wednesday and every other weekend. So, when he's home - everybody wants a piece of him.Last night we spent two hours "talking" to E. She has decided that she doesn't want to come to our house on Wednesdays. She

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-16481392445749501492008-09-19T08:15:00.004-04:002008-09-19T08:34:26.502-04:00

So, there was a woman at work yesterday who was very upset. She'd obviously been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy and she just seemed really down all day - All eight hours of the work day. The reason: She had to put her dog down.Now, I can understand being sad about losing a loved family pet. I can see shedding a few tears. It's understandable. I like this woman and see that she's in

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-41880783439907502292008-09-06T11:47:00.003-04:002008-09-06T12:05:41.514-04:00

Alternate title: Taking time to Stop and Smell the Electric GuitarA rainy Saturday morning. I put my hair up into a ponytail, throw on a pair of sweatpants and grab my Sudoku book. I dropped off K. at her friend's house, and drove R. to his drum lesson. A half hour to kill, I find a secluded spot to park. The radio is on and my only thoughts are the numbers one through nine.What a blissful 30

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-71326511539707495492008-08-24T12:39:00.004-04:002008-08-24T13:29:33.678-04:00

Wow! The summer has gone by way too fast. I'm sitting here covered in hives from some unknown allergy. The weather outside is beautiful, hot and sunny (unlike our ever rainy July) and I should be outside enjoying what used to be my favourite time of year. But if I go out, I'll end up feeling like I should be pulling the weeds out of our jungle of a "garden" and I don't think there's any more

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-14188101575748601062008-06-29T13:53:00.002-04:002008-06-29T14:04:52.311-04:00

It seems that I've just been not that into blogging lately. I could tell you about my kids and how proud I am of them - but you already knew that. They are getting older and publishing their lives on the www is invading their privacy. So, I think I'm saying goodbye to blogging for a while. Maybe forever. It's been a long time coming. I've met some really great people in the blog world and

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-57410411838423778182008-05-30T09:04:00.002-04:002008-05-30T09:20:06.105-04:00

I'd like to get back to being that innocent, optimistic girl that I used to be. Somewhere along the way, I've lost my sparkle. Life has beat me down. I look at pictures of me now and am disgusted at what I see. Yes, I'm fat. My chin has eaten my neck. It's not pretty. But what really bothers me is that I've lost my sparkle. I don't have that happy, hopeful look in my eye anymore. From

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-81096740897854762062008-05-22T08:49:00.003-04:002008-05-22T09:07:58.447-04:00

I had a nice girls day with my daughter yesterday. We both went and got our hair done. It was fun.My step-daughter, on the other hand, has been really acting up lately. She's expressed that she feels like an outsider in our family. We've tried to do everything we can to include her and make her feel like one of us, but our efforts seem to make her push us away even further. This morning I found

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-26420230442209554172008-05-02T08:51:00.003-04:002008-05-02T08:57:00.450-04:00

11 years ago.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-29828238684332851372008-04-24T09:03:00.002-04:002008-04-24T09:11:00.759-04:00

Mom and Dad recently returned from Australia. They generously gifted my son with a boomerang. Last night he tried it out. 3 and a half hours in the E.R. and 6 stitches later, I can tell you that the boomerang actually does come back. The nurses nicknamed him Boomerang Boy. The doctor (his first day at the hospital and R. was his first patient) didn't even know what a boomerang is. I tried

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-19932390270480932882008-04-21T22:58:00.002-04:002008-12-09T10:40:58.267-05:00

It's so fun to hold a giant cheque!

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-43874103213157440612008-04-16T09:41:00.001-04:002008-04-16T09:46:58.059-04:00

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-17786391657145196392008-04-05T16:06:00.002-04:002008-04-05T16:14:26.868-04:00

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-79587889498650648292008-03-31T21:44:00.001-04:002008-03-31T21:46:59.047-04:00

I said, "Have a nice day" 274 times today.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-69676339662952049442008-03-31T11:24:00.001-04:002008-03-31T11:27:01.920-04:00

Monday. Back to the routine.Less one vehicle.Proud of my children.Missing those who are gone.Trying to give up a dream gracefully.Searching for me.Getting Warmer.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-12679158581929741542008-03-17T19:00:00.004-04:002008-12-09T10:40:58.509-05:00

K. brought home her grade six grad proofs. We can't decide which one to order. Which one do you like? Please help us decide. Thanks (click to enlarge)

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-71628113852768764552008-03-15T09:29:00.002-04:002008-03-15T09:35:31.368-04:00

She don't look like that anymore!

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-30347822086489263852008-02-24T11:35:00.003-05:002008-02-24T11:52:55.984-05:00

Sharp Dressed Man For the Record:He's now 15 and no signs of shaken baby syndrome.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-72212920249270135312008-02-18T13:22:00.003-05:002008-02-18T13:31:16.380-05:00

Not that interesting, but since it was exactly 13 years ago today:Another video! Yes, my kid is dirty and hasn't had his hair brushed.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-19380986763274714262008-02-17T14:59:00.002-05:002008-02-17T15:04:12.534-05:00

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-62134147661613336812008-02-17T14:40:00.002-05:002008-02-17T14:44:02.130-05:00

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-53172749704364332102008-02-17T11:49:00.002-05:002008-02-17T11:55:52.379-05:00

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-45517441788471191522008-02-17T02:32:00.005-05:002008-02-17T03:16:39.531-05:00

Okay - So I suck at keeping my promises to write every day.But here's something new (and very old at the same time):Home Movies! ... From 1993Enjoy.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-35032321293384172582008-02-03T23:06:00.000-05:002008-02-03T23:15:07.401-05:00

Hubby is very worried that if he dies, I won't know how to load the bin files for our fta sattellite. How will I be able to watch free movies? He made me stop in the middle of painting to teach me.I offered to teach him how to blog - Just in case I die first.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-68805323906474161702008-02-02T11:29:00.000-05:002008-02-02T11:31:22.160-05:00

Ooops. I missed a few days. Today's agenda: More painting and of course - as always, Laundry.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-1722434281565690862008-01-29T08:22:00.000-05:002008-01-29T08:48:00.165-05:00

Lets see how many google hits I get with that title!Every frickin' day!!!! Our alarm clock is 20 min. fast. Hubby wanted it that way. It is on his side of the bed since I don't have an outlet on my side. I always go to bed before he does. I set the alarm for 7:30 (or 10 after 7 real time) each day and put it at a comfortable volume. Hubby comes in how ever many minutes or hours later and

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-81527122269862174952008-01-28T19:34:00.000-05:002008-01-28T19:39:16.123-05:00

Ugh....Nothing much to say today.I went to work, came home, watched TV, made,ate and cleaned up dinner.A guy came to scotchguard our new sofa.K. is cleaning her room. Hubby and R. are playing guitar hero.I'm doing laundry.Bet you wish you were me!

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-26269633343070784282008-01-27T17:16:00.000-05:002008-01-27T17:27:17.521-05:00

Kept my promise! Blogging!E. got some sad news today. Her dog died on Friday night. Poor kid had a pretty emotional weekend. I took K. shopping and she used up most of the gift certificates that she got for her birthday. It was nice to have a girls day - just the two of us.R. is halfway through his exams. He's not stressed about it at all. Hubby's been nagging the kid to get a job. I'm

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-10432038043112129252008-01-27T00:12:00.001-05:002008-01-27T00:34:41.639-05:00

I just spent the night reading and deleting many of my old blog posts due to the fact that someone I've frequently ranted about in the past has just discovered the internet. A lot of my old posts were pretty good (if I do say so myself). Recently, I haven't been writing much. I'd like to start again. So I've decided to write every day just to get back into the swing of it - Even if all I say

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-17675259230304491192008-01-24T11:05:00.000-05:002008-01-24T11:08:00.310-05:00

E. to her Dad: "Whenever Mom talks about you she gets all snotty. She acts like I do when I get in trouble!"How interesting that she noticed.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-27791487168489696862008-01-08T01:15:00.000-05:002008-01-08T01:29:04.067-05:00

I just emailed a talent agent in LA about Kiki and he emailed me right back! How exciting is that? I'm pretty stoked! (As a 30 something year old Canadian woman who's never been surfing - I probably shouldn't be using words like stoked...But maybe when we get to California it'd be okay?)

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-70877153688241190522008-01-04T18:25:00.000-05:002008-01-04T18:53:27.241-05:00

I'm not too sure what I'm doing here. I'd like to start blogging again. If I only had something to say....The holidays were fine. Not bad, Not amazing. Just fine. We didn't have the kids on Christmas day this year so we did our "Christmas morning" on boxing day and then headed out to the stores to put ourselves back into debt. I didn't decorate much and took it all down immediately after

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-86526420143237883832007-12-24T10:21:00.001-05:002007-12-24T10:21:35.617-05:00

If anyone still reads this...I'd like to wish you a very Merry Christmas!

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-82401955138028657012007-11-08T15:50:00.000-05:002007-11-08T16:03:28.332-05:00

I fondly remember the days when shopping for clothes was fun. I looked good in just about anything. Those days are long gone and shopping for clothes just depresses me lately. I discovered though, that although the rest of my body has grown, my feet are still small and cute and shoes always look good. Today I bought a pair of pointy toed black shoes. I'm thinking that if I get my hair done

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-39274364709026254632007-11-04T09:16:00.000-05:002007-11-04T09:25:12.403-05:00

As a special birthday gift, the cat puked on the carpet this morning only minutes after Hubby left the house for the day. I DON'T do puke clean-up. It's physically impossible.The room that my brother in law is sleeping in smells like an outhouse and Hubby may or may not have invited the family over to our house today.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-53298765115874315712007-11-02T09:27:00.000-04:002007-11-02T09:42:47.802-04:00

Feeling like I should write, but not sure what to say.It's been a difficult week. Nothing major has happened - I'm just stressed and emotional. I'd like to curl up in bed and hibernate until spring. Think anyone would notice?

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-32178963777584109692007-10-19T13:06:00.000-04:002007-10-19T13:09:53.614-04:00

From my oldest:"Mom, that Spiderman Kleenex box is a collectors edition. Who collects Kleenex boxes?!?"

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-9435004655339939882007-10-17T17:08:00.000-04:002007-10-17T17:13:35.695-04:00

Hubby has been laid off from his factory job for a couple of weeks now. Since then, he's been working at his second job driving for a taxi service. Today he picked up a woman who complained the whole way about how she hated life and wanted to die. When they got to the destination, the woman told him that she didn't have the seven dollars to pay for her ride. She offered him a blow job instead

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-83333576387673764212007-09-12T10:51:00.000-04:002007-09-12T11:32:38.216-04:00

It's hard to believe that it's already been a month since our baby was born. I went to his grave site yesterday and found that the blue orchids (or were they lilies?) are still alive and beautifully covering the tiny mound of dirt. I've ordered the stone but am having trouble figuring out what to have engraved on it. In a section reserved for babies and children, there are some inscriptions

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-89025213611122483772007-08-31T12:11:00.000-04:002007-08-31T12:39:43.570-04:00

I've had some good days in the last three weeks. Today's not one of them. Contemplating whether or not to try again. The answer seems to be NO. I have dozens of good reasons to give up on this dream of having a baby. But my heart is not yet ready to let go. The pain is similar to the pain I felt when my first marriage died. Something I wanted so badly, something I worked so hard for, put

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-88860932282929297942007-08-30T18:04:00.000-04:002007-08-30T19:52:14.087-04:00

I discovered Windows Movie Maker today. (yeah, I know - I'm slow)This morning I took my son to register for high school. And in honour of that occasion, I've made a slide show of his life up until now. Randy with his blue eyes, puffy lips and most of all...The big blonde hair! I love that kid!*warning* It's 10 minutes long.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-49041375203493597512007-08-29T14:28:00.000-04:002007-08-29T15:09:53.572-04:00

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-74511989626169017022007-08-27T10:54:00.000-04:002008-12-09T10:40:59.263-05:00

20012007

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-33259847781372962812007-08-21T18:23:00.000-04:002007-08-21T18:48:11.417-04:00

Last week, right after the funeral, my kids went to visit their dad. It was good for them to be away and not to see the endless days of crying. They came back last night and I've so enjoyed having them back at home! It's only been a week, but I'm beginning to feel like myself again. I don't know what the future holds. I'm not sure when I'll be able to hope and dream and look forward to

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-74220516247879377262007-08-17T13:06:00.000-04:002007-08-17T13:21:32.036-04:00

I'm going to attempt to leave my house at some point today. I want to go back to the cemetary and spend a few moments there. I can't explain why. In fact, I always thought it kinda strange that people would go and visit loved ones grave sites. But now I understand - although it's impossible to put into words. There's just something drawing me there. I'm making progress. Yesterday, I did

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-36688676601008897262007-08-15T11:32:00.000-04:002007-08-15T11:46:12.619-04:00

Sitting here all alone this morning wondering what to do today. I should go to unemployment and apply for maternity leave. I should start putting Emily's room back together for her. I should weed my garden. I should call and cancel the 3D ultrasound I have scheduled for next week. I should make that follow up doctors appointment. But I don't want to. I've sat here reading all of your

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-69551402679015284512007-08-15T04:07:00.000-04:002007-08-15T05:12:38.474-04:00

Hello Internet,It's 4 a.m. and I can't sleep. I have a pain in my hip that's almost as big as the pain in my heart. What am I going to do tomorrow? Or next week? I thought I knew where my life was headed. Now, I'm not so sure. I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong. Why did this happen? Am I being punished for my divorce? For marrying a muslim? Is it that I'm not a very good

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-62403482398457001922007-08-14T19:41:00.000-04:002008-12-09T10:40:59.726-05:00

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-72541798195749305252007-08-14T10:58:00.000-04:002007-08-14T11:20:28.669-04:00

As part of the greiving process, I've blamed myself, my husband, my doctor and God for this terrible loss. However, placing blame is unproductive and unhealty. I may never know why. I am sad and angry that this happened - but have to move on.As might be expected...While I'm in this angry stage last night, the she-ex has Emily call our house. Emily was sweet and asked how I was doing. Then

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-66515666646972704572007-08-13T18:55:00.000-04:002007-08-13T19:19:56.995-04:00

Our son was born today. We will bury him tomorrow. I haven't said much about this pregnancy. Things (as far as I knew) were going well. With only 12 weeks to go, I was beginning to allow myself to hope, to plan, to believe. But now my heart is broken again.I expect that in the days and weeks ahead, my thoughts and feelings will be poured out here. Right now though - I have no words.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-66808777273833954922007-07-08T00:40:00.000-04:002008-12-09T10:40:59.945-05:00

The 3D ultrasound was fun. It was good for the whole family to kinda meet the baby. Although, at only 23 weeks, there's no baby fat and so it's hard to tell exactly what he looks like. Very skeletal. We'll go for another one in about 6 weeks or so and have been promised that we'll see a huge difference. Baby waves "Hello".

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-53375475803831061842007-07-06T22:05:00.000-04:002007-07-06T22:28:52.211-04:00

5 years ago today, I married an amazing man.4 years ago today, we were mini-putting in Florida.3 years ago today, I sat at a beautiful, romantic restaurant in Montreal with a sprained ankle.2 years ago today, we were mini-putting in Myrtle Beach.1 year ago today, we were in the Bahamas enjoying the sun while (unknown to us at the time) the he-ex's family was having a funeral for my 18 year old

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-3436484580611630942007-06-20T23:18:00.000-04:002007-06-20T23:19:58.196-04:00

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-55079380467151950002007-06-20T15:07:00.000-04:002007-06-20T15:19:19.138-04:00

I feel like my pregnancy really began today. Today I was told that the prenatal screening tests came back negative (which is good). They didn't find any problems at all with the ultrasound. Everything appears to be normal and healthy...AND...I found out the sex of my baby. I can't tell you guys right now because I haven't talked to Hubby yet today. I've felt a lot of movement in the last few

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-22842406359013731802007-06-18T15:02:00.000-04:002008-12-09T10:41:00.386-05:00

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-35856676904646153582007-06-12T12:06:00.000-04:002008-12-09T10:41:00.563-05:00

I just got a call from R's teacher. She said that he'll be receiving a special award on Thursday night at his grade 8 graduation ceremony! Now, I'm off to meet a teacher at one of the high school's he's considering attending.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-22169611450902505552007-06-07T11:14:00.001-04:002008-12-09T10:41:00.658-05:00

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-28087022631916223602007-05-23T15:12:00.000-04:002007-05-23T15:29:36.266-04:00

I'm not sure if I blogged this or not, but the he-ex served me with court papers last month. He hadn't paid child support for five years and was asking me/the court to cancel his almost $20,000.00 in arrears. Today was our court date. It is settled and we shouldn't have to go back to court again. His new girlfriend sat in on the meetings and she is really great: Level headed, positive - A

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-15051233121839142392007-05-19T20:57:00.000-04:002008-12-09T10:41:00.967-05:00

18 years ago today, I was at Disney World. Look at the price for a four day pass!

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-10165890127107886092007-05-09T14:49:00.000-04:002008-12-09T10:41:01.223-05:00

Happy 2nd Birthday Nolan!!!!And from the Memory Box...Skinny Me. May '98. I thought (was told) I was fat. Ha!

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-633888712765368072007-05-04T14:43:00.000-04:002007-05-04T15:19:55.728-04:00

My son has been such a blessing. He's a good kid - Respectful, kind, generous, talented and fun. He and I can giggle for hours over things that nobody else seems to think is that funny. He's never had trouble holding my hand, hugging, cuddling or kissing me in public. Until now. He's 14 and a half. He's going to high school in a few short months. He's getting taller. He's growing up.It

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-78274404550802827762007-05-02T09:11:00.000-04:002007-05-02T09:17:24.938-04:00

We were talking about the he-ex's finances the other night with the kids. (They brought it up) Hubby asked the question; "When he's 50 years old, What's he going to have to his name?"Randy answered; "Probably just an R, an O and a B."

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-82584717624506929622007-04-27T11:32:00.000-04:002007-04-27T11:44:16.986-04:00

* Had a doc. appointment on Wed. Got to hear the baby's heartbeat. It was reassuring because it had been 5 days since the ultrasound. No more appointments (besides a blood test) for 4 weeks now. I don't know how I'm going to handle not knowing what's going on in there for that long!* Tuesday's fashion show was a LONG day! I babysat about 20 kids and tried to keep them from messing up their

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-82370718574304761412007-04-20T11:32:00.000-04:002008-12-09T10:41:01.507-05:00

This is supposed to be a face shot of my little alien baby. See anything? I don't really. Not in this pic anyway. I did get to see a couple of long skinny legs and some skinny little arms. The baby was in the fetal position occasionally, but seemed to like to just spread out, stretch his/her legs and arms and just float. Wish I had a picture of that! Anyway, all seems to be well and I'll stop

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-40882211457975170402007-04-20T09:29:00.000-04:002007-04-27T11:32:02.454-04:00

K. got her pictures back. This one is my fave. Up only for a limited time.**** The picture's been removed from this post. They're all up on Flickr******

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-332103371612536772007-04-06T11:01:00.000-04:002007-04-06T11:07:05.178-04:00

Last night my son stayed at a friend's house for dinner. Apparently, his friend's mom makes the best sloppy Joe's that R. has ever tasted. It hurts a little.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-24790779886365954932007-03-27T12:43:00.000-04:002007-03-27T23:22:14.416-04:00

To those of you who've asked me in the last few weeks; "What's New?"...I lied when I answered; "Nothing much".Looks like I might get just what I wanted for my birthday this year!

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-14623767864808202802007-03-21T08:52:00.000-04:002007-03-21T08:55:32.761-04:00

I have a bunch of blog posts rambling around in my head. Check back next week for something juicy.Until then, I need to wish E. a very happy tenth birthday. She's growing up so fast!

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-40585648328141416752007-03-02T09:28:00.000-05:002008-12-09T10:41:01.699-05:00

March '93

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-27003100900794233042007-02-25T14:48:00.000-05:002007-02-25T14:55:32.693-05:00

A message to my two lovely daughters:When you were younger than seven years of age, I pretended to be interested in some things. Now that you are both older - you need to know that I really don't care to look every time your Tamagotchi turns into a teenager or takes a crap. I don't want to have to get excited every time it eats something or gets a gift from a friend. And No, I don't think the

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-20415816871361147712007-02-14T14:23:00.000-05:002008-12-09T10:41:02.122-05:00

For the kids anyway....I still have to go to work.My neighbours roof - View from my kitchen windowR. taking credit for the driveway I shovelled!

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-6790700706336588812007-02-04T10:24:00.000-05:002007-02-08T00:13:08.438-05:00

In a bold move to get his life back, his drivers licence back and to keep himself out of jail....the he-ex made his first child support payment. It's been five long years. It looks like he may actually accomplish all of the above. All that and he's gained a little respect from me as well.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5775336.post-80615232255274612462007-01-24T12:44:00.000-05:002007-01-24T12:47:20.298-05:00

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share PhotosK as a flower girl at a destination wedding. The video is long. She is the first one out. I didn't have the time (to figure out how) to edit the rest.

Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12505035540029258862noreply@blogger.com3