I haven't had much to say lately so I've been lazy...Just posting pictures. I do have something on my mind and although I probably shouldn't share it with the outside world - I'm going to anyways...
Working. I'm doing it five days a week. The kids are out of school on Tuesday and we don't have any firm summer plans for their care. Of course the he-ex would take them for the entire summer if I would allow it...Which of course - I won't. Hubby came up with a plan that revolves around his shift work. He figures that when he's on afternoons, he can watch the kids during the day while I'm at work. The weeks that we're both working days, he wants to send the kids to the he-ex. It's a good workable plan. The problem is..I'm still not happy about it.
I want to be home with the kids. I want to be able to enjoy their summer with them. I want to take the summer off!
Hubby says that he just wants me to be happy, but he made it clear in a conversation on the weekend that he would be pissed off if he went to work every day and left me at home. SO...Either I'm happy and he's not or he's happy and I'm not. Why not compromise you ask? I'm stubborn. I want to be all the way right or else be a martyr. I can't help thinking that when hubby was with the she-ex she didn't work. She sent her child to daycare and spent her alone time (and his money) at bingo. Why did he allow that? Is it because she is the mother of his child? I resent the fact that we still have another year to pay her $400/month in spousal support and I'm giving up precious time with my kids to work a crap job. All I ever wanted to do was be a good wife and mother. I'm wondering if it's possible to do both simultaneously.
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I think I get this one! I think in a first relationship ( I didn't say marriage! ) men allow that sort of crap to happen. They go to work, let the chickie stay home, let the kid go to daycare.. do what they are 'supposed' to do, and the relationship crumbles anyway.
So now they are in a new relationship. And the wife wants to say home to be with the kids. But the husband, he's thinking, "hey, this is familiar to me.." and has baggage that doesn't allow him to be happy with the idea..
So yes, it breeds resentment. He doesn't like the idea that you sit at home (he pictures bonbons and tv all day) and you don't like the idea that some stupid whore from his past gets $400/month while you go work your ass off.
The solution? Communication. Compromise. You're right, Jan, you may have to decide that he needs to be unhappy for the summer. You may have to decide that you'll need to TEACH him that being home with the children is a priority, and that you are not doing NOTHING all day, he's not 'leaving you at home having fun', you are taking care of the children.
Could it be he allowed it because his ex was the 'mother of his child'? Maybe. Men have tunnel vision for crap like that. Why not get a piece of paper, and show him how much you make, how much gas it would take to take the kids to YOUR ex's, and how much someone spends on gambling? Why not limit working to weekends through the summer?
Anyhow.. that's my 2 cents, maybe more.
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