Unavailable

We're back from Vegas. Had a good time, but I can't write about that now because I'm pre-occupied with finding my children. Yes, It is 1:00 a.m. Monday morning.

My children seem to be MIA. Their "father's" cell phone message says that he's unavailable. His mother thought that the kids were supposed to be dropped off at my parent's place on Friday. She thinks that they all went to a friend's house. There is no answer at the friend's house and the girlfriend doesn't have a phone.

A big part of me wants to drive to Hamilton with a police escort to find them right now. The other part of me is saying that it's probably just a miscommunication and that the he-ex will be in touch with me tomorrow.

My inside is once again in knots. I wasn't going to let the he-ex have them while I was away but was assured by his sister that everything would be okay and that she'd take care of everything. She is also "unavailable" tonight and according to her mother, has her own problems to deal with right now.

I don't seem to have much choice but to try and get some sleep and track down my children first thing in the morning. If he had the resources (which he doesn't) to actually kidnap the kids right now, I'm afraid that he would. We can't live like this any longer. The last thing that I want to do is take legal action but it looks like I'm going to have to.

The last time I talked to the he-ex, he told me that he wanted to F'n murder me but that he couldn't because God said that it was a sin. But he added that if he could - He would. I am not worried about his threats. Only of his state of mind.

I'm letting myself get all worked up with all these crazy scenarios running through my head, when I'm sure that all it boils down to is that the he-ex is just an inconsiderate and irresponsible prick. He knows better than anyone how to push all my buttons and enjoys jerking me around. Nobody else seems too worried.

My rational mind tells me one thing. My gut tells me something completely different. My heart is in my throat. I can't wait to have my babies back safely in my arms. After five nights of virtually no sleep, It's looking like tonight isn't going to be much different.