Just Venting

ARGH!!! I just had a discussion with my kids about their father. It started as a conversation about drivers licenses (I renewed mine today) and I happened to say that I need to drive to live - meaning that I need to get to work.

My daughter pipes up and says with much attitude, "Well, Dad can't get a job to live because you had his drivers license taken away".

Once again, I tried to explain that it wasn't my fault. She argued that it was. I am sick and tired of hearing the he-ex's words come out of my children's mouths. Every two weeks I have to de-program them when they come back from their visits. I tried to turn the discussion into one about responsibility, but Kianna just kept regurgitating her father's words. He can't work because it interferes with the precious time that he has with his kids. What's he doing with the other 312 days of the year?

Now my son is sitting here crying because school is so difficult for him. Does the he-ex help him with his projects, encourage him to study? No. He tells him that if he lived with him, he wouldn't have to go to school. He tells our son that when he's 14 he doesn't have to live with me and that he can choose which parent to live with. "We can just hang out and be cool" he says. I imagine that would sound very appealing to an adolescent who's having a difficult time in school.

I am angry and frustrated and hurt, and did I mention ANGRY?! that he is abusing these kids like this emotionally. They are sweet and loyal and confused, and they should not have to deal with these grown up problems. I just want them to feel loved and safe and secure. I want to call him up and give him a piece of my mind, but I know that it won't do any good. It's like beating my head against a brick wall.

I could sit here all night and cry you a river, but I have to go and help my son with his homework. I'd like to tell him not to be like his father - But that would just be wrong. That part - to me, is black and white.


Update: I just called the he-ex to talk to him about my concerns. I could barely get a word in. He went on a verbal rampage telling me how I've ruined his life and I'm a f'n cold hearted, f'n mean, controlling f'n bitch. He kept talking about himself and how he can't function because I stole his kids away from him. I tried to tell him that I wasn't calling to talk about him, I was calling to talk about the kids. He was unable and/or unwilling to talk to me about how they were feeling. It's all about him. After a few more insults and several profanities, he told me he hates me and hung up.

Beating. My. Head. Against. A. Brick. Wall. Is there any hope for him?