I've had some good days in the last three weeks. Today's not one of them. Contemplating whether or not to try again. The answer seems to be NO. I have dozens of good reasons to give up on this dream of having a baby. But my heart is not yet ready to let go.
The pain is similar to the pain I felt when my first marriage died. Something I wanted so badly, something I worked so hard for, put everything I had into, invested years of my time in, the dreams I had for the future - They were all gone. And it feels like a piece of my heart is being ripped away. Again.
I'm afraid I'll never be the same. I used to be an optimist. Not so much anymore. I can see bad things around every corner. I've lost all hope that anything good will come to me again.
Tomorrow is September. I'll be another day older and not any closer to realizing my dreams.
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2 comments:
I'm sure you will make the right decision... whatever that ends up being. Listen to your heart.
Also, have you gotten any answers as to why this happened? (that would greatly influence my decision if I were in your shoes...)
Sending hugs and prayers. :)
I'm not sure I'll ever get the answer as to why. We could have asked for an autopsy but it would have cost us $1000.00 and no guarantee that they'd be able to tell me what went wrong. I don't see the doctor for another week and a half - but I'm not expecting to get much from him either.
Thanks for the hugs :)
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